Donna Phillips, MSW RSW
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20 Questions Exercise  There are few gifts a couple can give each other greater than the joy that comes from feeling known and understood.  Getting to know each other shouldn’t be a chore. 

  • Together, without looking at the questions, choose 20 numbers between 1 and 45. 
  • Write these numbers in the margin.  Then put your pen or pencil down; the rest of the exercise is verbal. 
  • Ask each other the questions corresponding to the  20 numbers in the margin.
  • Make note of those you don’t know (it’s something to talk about in the future)
  • This is a game.  Have fun playing it and keep things light and positive!!

  1. Who are my two closest friends?
  2. What is my favorite musical group?
  3. What was I wearing when we first met
  4. What is one of my hobbies?
  5. Where was I born?
  6. What stresses am I facing right now?
  7. Describe in detail what I did today, or yesterday.
  8. When is my birthday?
  9. What is the date of our anniversary?
  10. Who is my favorite relative?
  11. What is my fondest unrealized dream?
  12. What is my favorite flower?
  13. What is one of  my greatest fears or disaster scenario?
  14. What is my favorite time of day for lovemaking?
  15. What makes me feel most competent?
  16. What turns me on sexually?
  17. What is my favorite meal?
  18. What is my favorite way to spend an evening?
  19. What is my favorite color?
  20. What personal improvements do I want to make in my life?
  21. What kind of present would I like best?
  22. What was one of my best childhood experiences?
  23. What was my favorite vacation?
  24. What is one of my favorite ways to be soothed?
  25. Who is my greatest source of support (other than you)?
  26. What is my favorite sport?
  27. What do I most like to do with time off?
  28. What is one of my favorite weekend activities?
  29. What is my favorite getaway place?
  30. What is my favorite movie?
  31. What are some of the important events coming up in my life? How do I feel about them?
  32. What are some of my favorite ways to work out?
  33. Who was my best friend in childhood?
  34. What is one of my favorite magazines?
  35. Name one of my major rivals or “enemies”.
  36. What would I consider my ideal job?
  37. What do I fear the most?
  38. Who is my leas favorite relative?
  39. What is my favorite holiday?
  40. What kinds of books do I most like to read?
  41. What is my favorite TV show?
  42. Which side of the bed do I prefer?
  43. What am I most sad about/
  44. Name one of my concerns or worries.
  45. What medical problems do I worry about?
 (1999) Gottman, John, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work